As both tournament and black belt testing approaches for some of our students, we will undoubtedly have students reach milestones and accomplishments. But there is also the opportunity for the opposite to happen—for students to have setbacks and fail. We also have several students who are currently working on overcoming an obstacle keeping them from their next rank. We typically do. I have always said that I am proud to be a school where failure is an option and where students are held accountable and to a standard. But that means from time to time I need to remind people about the process and how failure is a natural part of it.
We have several phrases in the martial arts to discuss this process: Fall down seven times, get up eight. A black belt is a white belt who never quit. Indomitable spirit and never retreating in battle. Investing in loss. Many of our students have heard these before (that doesn’t mean they don’t need to be reminded). And so it is time we address it again, but hopefully with enough of a different slant that allows everyone from the new white belt to the seasoned black belt who can finish my bad jokes to benefit. Hearing it and taking it to heart is another matter.
Perhaps we take it to heart after the fact, when we have finally gotten through it, we feel both relief and satisfaction. We can look back and admit that we are better for having pushed through, but that reflection is usually coupled with a comment about being glad that is over or behind us. And that really doesn’t help the person who is still facing that seemingly un-scalable mountain or impenetrable thickness of wood in front of them, who perhaps even views such words as encouragement as platitudes. We probably need to be more appreciative of the learning opportunities in front of us, not the ones behind us.
In order to do that you need to remember the bigger picture and not the short term goal. And no, I am not talking about getting your black belt. The longer term goal of getting a black belt is a nice accomplishment, but still not the main purpose. I am talking about growing as a person through the journey towards black belt. About BEING MORE. What is the process teaching us and how is it helping us be better human beings? If we say that the path to black belt teaches us things like perseverance, indomitable spirit, discipline, sacrifice and determination to achieve long term goals….if we say that is why we do martial arts or make our kids do it, then we can’t get really complain or get too upset when those teaching moments, those big picture moments, actually arrive. We should appreciate them for what they are…the true test to see what we are learning.
Fail a test or lose a tough match at a tournament? Everyone has plenty of disappointments in life. How is that loss going to help you deal with disappointment in the future, maybe on something more important than a trophy?
You had to keep working to learn or “master” a skill or technique. How is sticking with it until you learn it going to help your school work, your career, etc?
Failing your test in front of people or facing a tough opponent in a tournament can be scary, but you made yourself do it. What else in life is going to be scary, but you need to push through and do it anyway?
An excerpt from Rory Miller puts it this way, “Successful people have a very specific relationship with failure, and it is a relationship you need to cultivate in your students. Most people are afraid of failure, and because of that they hold back, they don’t try or take risks. They condemn themselves to mediocrity. Successful people look at failure as growth. Literally. I tell my students that it is physically impossible to lose a grappling match. If you tap out, I’ve won. But if I tap out, I’ve learned, and learning is the more valuable prize. No one grows unless challenged. Not physically, not mentally, and not emotionally. We are organisms, and organisms improve under stress and atrophy without stress. ….YOU NEED TO SEEK AND EMBRACE YOUR FAILURE. “ (emphasis mine)
As James writes, “consider it pure joy my brothers, when you encounter trials of many kinds.”
We certainly don’t enjoy seeing our students struggle and fail. Sometimes our students need to realize that our upper ranks and even instructors are more sympathetic to their struggles than they realize, because we have gone through the same thing ourselves. Sympathetic does not mean, however, that we are going to change it or pave the way for them. It isn’t indifference; it is an appreciation for the learning opportunity in front of them. There is an old coaching adage attributed to many different people, but when asked what they thought of their team, they replied “ask me again in twenty years.” The implication being that it wasn’t the game or even the season championship that mattered, but how the players took the lessons with them into life. We hope some of our students have a better appreciation for the bigger picture and are able to keep a more healthy perspective when the martial arts humble you (and they WILL humble you.) Embrace and appreciate it for the opportunity that it is.
Gentry Martial Arts--the rants of a martial arts eccentric 