How Martial Arts Can Prevent Piggy Tails

One of my all-time favorite sayings from my teacher, GM Choi, was “dragon head—piggy tail.” A quick google search yielded a similar Chinese phrase of Dragon head, snake tail, which was described as something that starts off initially very promising but then ends up disappointing.

We recently used this phrase in our mat chat, but I feel it bears repeating and further elaboration here. In class, we typically use it when someone is inconsistent with different aspects of technique or performance. Good form with good power but a weak kihap (show of spirit.) Or the opposite—loud answer, intense look to start, and then an unfocused and sloppy form. It is someone who starts the match or roll with lots of fight and enthusiasm but quickly wilts when things start going wrong. From these examples, you can tell that it is typically a disconnect among mind, body and spirit—where one or two are there but another is lacking.

But the phrase doesn’t only pertain to physical examples. Sadly, I see as many, if not more, curly tails in the realm of discipline and attitude. My goal is to be a black belt!….until it gets hard and requires work, even outside of class to improve my areas of deficiency; I want to win this upcoming tournament…but not enough to work on my cardio, and it is a nice day outside so maybe I will skip just this one class; I am serious about getting good at BJJ, but the grass needs mowed.

I see it in parents: I am bringing my child here to learn discipline and perseverance, but I am going to let them quit the minute they complain and don’t show discipline and perseverance.

I see it in the black belt who peaked at his test, has backslid, and now looks more like a colored belt in everyday performance.

I see it in other martial arts instructors who give lip service to discipline and healthy habits but are obese.

I see it in myself—just last week I bemoaned how the weekend seminar was taking away precious family time, but I still got sucked into my phone for 20 minutes when I got home. I missed workouts. I have fallen behind on my Korean language study goals.

To be human is to be part dragon and part pork. Naturally the phrase isn’t limited to martial arts and can be applied to the many common cases where we humans fall short. Anytime where we talk a good game and put our dragon face on, and maybe we have a great start, but we end up making more of an oink than a roar: in education or work, relationships, fitness and nutrition, or budgeting and finance, just to name a few.

It should be no shocker that I think martial arts is one of the best activities to help us avoid having our tail coil up. By experiencing challenging situations and facing fears, we gain the discipline, resilience, and perseverance needed to power through. Either through a belt test, tournament, or simply rolling in class, we are held accountable for our follow through (or lack thereof.) You can’t hide what type of tail you have in class. There is no team of dragons to hide behind if you are an oinker. Under pressure you either show you can breathe fire, or you cry wee wee wee all the way home.

Dragon head, piggy tail, is a colorful way of saying talk and initial good intentions are cheap, but you must follow through. Martial arts teach us this lesson the hard way, but thankfully the mats are an insulated world, where we can learn that lesson without it having as painful of ramification as it could in the other areas of life I mentioned. Failing this lesson on the mats doesn’t lead to flunking out, divorce, a coronary or bankruptcy. The DO, the martial WAY, instructs us to take that lesson from the mats and take it into the world. Ironically, one can be dragon head, piggy tail in applying that lesson into our everyday lives, so I wish you don’t take this rant to heart but still end up bacon. Personally, I am off to catch up on Korean and hit the gym.

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The Government Doesn’t Think Self Defense is Part of Rape Prevention. *

A friend and colleague in academia recently sent me a link for a grant from the Indiana Dept of Health for Rape Prevention and Education.   This was a half millions dollars to be shared among 5 or so recipients.   My friend, at least at first glance, thought our BE SAFE FAST program would be an excellent candidate to submit for consideration, and I was excited for the prospect of using it to reach many more groups, particularly in underprivileged communities, who might not have normal access to such empowering programming.  

And then I looked at the guidelines and was disappointed to see that actual self-defense programming didn’t meet any of the strategies or criteria.  Apparently, the one thing this Rape Prevention and Education Grant won’t fund is education on how to prevent rape.    So what are included in the guidelines?   I am glad you asked!  If you read the sentence before last, then you kinda asked. 

Programs that helped with tax credits, like the earned income tax credit, child tax credit, low income housing tax credit, or programs that help with paid leave or low income housing.    Or strategies that improve the environment, such as business improvement districts and crime prevention through environmental design.  

 Now, that does include things like improving lighting.   This approach is highly cosmetic—because no one can get attacked if the lights are on. (SMH)  And it does include tearing down abandoned buildings—because rapes only happen in abandoned buildings.  (I hope you can hear my eyes rolling).    And the guidelines also include creating more greening activities.  (I got nothing….except to wonder that if the people who wrote the guidelines were in the country and heard banjo music, do you think they would still feel safe because of all the greenery?)

Now the reasons those strategies are included is because there is a correlation between being economically and socially vulnerable and being vulnerable to sexual violence.   But instead of focusing on a correlation, it would really be nice to see someone focus on causation, which is the fact there are rapists out there, and we need to be teaching women how to deter and defend against them.

The third area of the grant comes closer to addressing causation by empowerment.  The only problem is it isn’t women that public health wants to empower, but rather men.     Stated goals included “changing the social norms (group-level beliefs and expectations of members behavior) related to the acceptance of violence and restrictive gender norms of priority groups have the potential to reduce rates of SV perpetration and victimization… [and].. promoting social norms that protect against violence and that encourage safe intervention for all forms of SV. Approaches that mobilize men and boys as allies focus on promoting positive norms around masculinity, gender, and violence”   Again, they are primarily talking about groups of men.

Now, let me quickly say that I am not opposed to addressing rape culture and teaching people how to be better men, especially in more of a protector role.  But I have always been dubious about the concept of education as part of rape prevention.  If it was simply a matter of education, then we should never really have rape occur on college campuses, and on the rare occasion it does occur, it was a failure in the admissions process, right?  (I can’t make my eye rolls any louder!)

 But back to the guidelines, this policy goes back to the CDC backing bystander intervention programs over self defense programs.    Now, let me say that bystander intervention isn’t all bad…some of our self defense programming includes strategies to call attention to the situation on the rare chance there is someone willing to get involved and come to your aid.   But we don’t tell people to sit around and wait for someone else to show up and save their butts.     But that is in essence what bystander intervention implies.  An analogy would be refusing to teach everyone to swim but instead hiring millions of lifeguards.   

There was a study some time ago that found that women who took a self defense class were less vulnerable to attack  (can you see my shockface?).  That study was vilified, particularly by those who had a vested interest in bystander intervention programs, because such a course would actually empower women to protect themselves.   One of the objections was based on the fact that it only helps those who take the class.   In other words, people who take the class are better off, but that doesn’t help the people who haven’t taken the class.   Whereas a bystander could equally intervene (or more likely equally not intervene, but I digress).

 I have written about this before, but one of the best rebuttals to this objection was the vaccine analogy:   No one refuses a polio vaccine on the grounds that some poor kid in a third world was still going to get polio even if you don’t.     What we need to do is vaccinate (empower) as many people as we can—our friends, families, loved ones, and then one day perhaps we can talk about eradicating the disease. 

Given how much the CDC loves some vaccines, I would really think that public health officials would get on board with this type of rationale.   But apparently not, because the one thing you can’t use any of a half million dollars worth of funding for rape prevention, is actually making women more immune to sexual attacks and helping to empower themselves to prevent being raped.    But hey, at least they have greener spaces….

*This is basically a transcript of a social media real I made a couple of weeks ago. But I am little fired up, and figured some people who didn’t see it might read this, and it doesn’t hurt to hear it twice.

**Also see Looking Forward to a Vaccine (Not the Covid One), blog and rant Dec 2020.

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Do No HARM, Do Know Harm

Facebook is reminding me that one year ago we were hosting another tac med course with a good friend and great instructor.   Coincidentally, I recently came across this patch with a common phrase (at least in some circles) that both references the Hippocratic Oath and is also a play on words with a poignant message.    While it might not be as well known in martial arts circles, it should absolutely resonate with martial artists.   Martial arts practitioners should be regularly wrestling with the paradox of studying “the sordid mechanics of mortality” with concepts of peace, self-betterment, and BEING GENTRY.   The dichotomy places out on both the practical and philosophical level, but for brevity’s sake this musing will focus on the practical side.

Historically, knowing how to harm and how to heal has always been two sides of the same coin.   In many cultures, the martial arts master and the medicine man/bonesetter was one and the same.    It makes sense.   If you know how to fix something, you also know how to break it, and that includes the human body.    The folk medicine healer with herbal remedies also knows the poisonous look a like plants to avoid.   `

It is interesting to note that this holds true in not just in the traditional Asian medicine paradigms, but in Western medicine too.  Both is a methodology for understanding the workings of the human body. Human anatomy books  aren’t just required reading in medical school, they are also required reading for many prison gangs.  Wonder why that is? Because they want to know harm.

On an individual level,  if you want no harm to come to you, you might need to know both how to harm and how to mitigate harm.  If you do take damage in a violent encounter, the best person to provide aid is yourself.  Do you want to count on a passerby who doesn’t want to get involved or faints at the sight of blood?   But before you can render aid onto yourself, you have to stop the person who is causing the harm in the first place. Standard operating procedure for everyone is make the scene secure/neutralize the threat before rendering care.   Of course, being able to defend oneself effectively obviously limits damage and helps in your long term constitution.   I would suggest knowing how to fall is an important part of that—in case it is your own clumsiness that is trying to harm you.  

Many people say their motivations for training is to protect others as well.   Protecting should once again mean being able to minimize damage.    This a concept that should be covered in good self defense training, so why should we not be prepared to do that when it goes into the tac med realm.   You have practiced day and night on how to take a gun away from somebody if they jab it in your face, but what if the shooting started the next room over, then you are clueless?  Even if you take out the attacker, if you are your loved one takes serious damage, can you minimize the damage or will it be a double homicide? 

It is worth noting some people are exclusively on the other side of the coin.  They will take a CPR/First aid class, they are ready to spring into action if someone is choking, but they want to put their head in the sand when it comes to mass casualty events.   Many of the biggest active shooter tragedies could have been seriously mitigated if everyone just knew how to use a torniquet or chest seal.

If you want to be a true protector, you need to have both sides of the coin. Then and only then can we BE MORE prepared for most anything.  Now go do both.  

Learn more about us at http://www.gentrymartialarts.com

Embracing Chaos and Finding the Opportunities Within.

As most of you at the school could surmise, I am writing this while I am recovering from a long overdue hip replacement surgery.  While I have been lying down a lot, I have not been laying around a lot.   While there are certainly some challenges to my recovery as it relates to me and GMA,  I am choosing to look for and take advantage of the opportunities that it creates instead.

While I am looking forward to the long-term outcome, in the short term it is a huge disruption—to lifestyle, to routines both professionally and personally.  And it complicates things for both my personal and GMA family.  In short, there is some chaos involved.  Thankfully, one of the key concepts of certain training modules is embracing chaos.  It isn’t easy, but if you are able to keep a bigger picture view—there are often incredible “gifts”—such as momentum, positioning, or an overextended limb, to take advantage of.  Within the chaos are also incredible opportunities if you can recognize them.   And what is true in the fight is true in life as well.     

Not only did I write this, but I also worked a lot on my next eBook.    That is a project that always seemed to get pushed the back burner.  

            One of my personal goals this year is to drastically improve my competency in Korean before our upcoming trip.   I have not only been meeting my daily goal, but almost doubling it while I am down. 

            While I miss being on the mats doing BJJ, I am watching the Logic BJJ tutorials…something I should have been more consistent with before, but never found the time or sometimes motivation. (I will admit, at times it is hard to do BJJ, get home late, and watch more BJJ.)  I don’t have that roadblock now.    

            I typically did a lot of listening to audiobooks while driving, which I won’t be doing anytime soon.  So, I have been listening while doing my physical therapy instead. 

            My arms work just fine, so I have been able to at least do some dry fire exercises with my SIRT laser pistols.  Something that makes me usually mutter to myself that I should find the time to do it more often.

            There is a long list of things I will do when things settle down that I hope to tackle in the upcoming weeks. 

            The moral of the story is no matter the situation, there is almost always a way to continue to BE MORE.    Constant improvement, the attitude of continuing to move forward, is a mindset, and it is not dependent on circumstances.   I had several doors shut for me short term, including the ability to teach at IU this semester.   I have to take advantage of the extra down time to kick open other doors I had previously just been peaking through.

            In contrast, some people might accept the chaos but don’t really embrace it.  They don’t actively look for gifts.  This isn’t the same as just having the positive yet also cavalier attitude that when one door closes, another will open.  Although I try not to ever underestimate the power of the hand of Providence on matters, I am not talking about trusting things will work out.   A month before my surgery I already had a long list of goals of things that I wanted to work on to ensure that they did work out. 

            Other times, just as an attacker can use the chaos of the fight to steal your wallet, the chaos of life will steal your ambition.  We have all had an ambition, a project, or dare I say a dream, that you thought would fulfil yourself or make life better, if you just had that extra time in the day to accomplish it.   And then, you find yourself with some unexpected free time, and you forget what it was you wanted to do. Or worse yet, you can’t seem to find the motivation to do what you kept telling yourself you wanted to do.              As usual, I am biased, but the lessons the martial arts have instilled in me, including the attitude of embracing chaos and finding the opportunity within, and the attitude of continually BEING MORE, to keep the disruptions of life from derailing me. Now I am worried that I won’t have enough of the “extra time on my hands” to accomplish everything.

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NEW YEAR, NEW ME BETTER ME. How to BE MORE this year.

Hope and good intentions abound in the New Year.  New Year resolution ambitions are high, at least for a couple of weeks.    And then most people flame out because the new me they were hoping for in the New Year still looks and acts a lot like the old me.   The problem is most people buy into the whole total reinvention stuff, that you can snap your fingers and become a different person this year.   Rarely does that work.  But we can all focus on steady improvements in our lives.   And when we continue to grow, we can look back and realize how far we have come.  Succeeding in martial arts, fitness, finances…it all requires the same thing…discipline and perseverance to stay the course and keep showing up. 

I would hope that martial artists would appreciate this more than most.  You don’t instantly transform into a black belt the minute you walk in.   You realize this is hard and requires work.  Some people can’t handle that.  Their ego’s don’t like getting beaten or feeling inept (not sure why they came here to learn if they didn’t think we had some knowledge and process they didn’t, and yet get mad when said process works for others) and so they quit.  But for those who stay and legitimately put effort into it, transformation starts to happen.  Perhaps imperceptibly, but it does happen.   Every punch, kick or rep starts to add up, and so do the results.     I sometimes enjoy asking, particularly to the older students, that f I asked you six months or a year ago, would you have thought you would be doing what you are doing today? Their eyes will light up when they recognize how far they have come.   

 There is a reason we embrace the Ovid quote:  The drop hollows the stone not by its force, but by its frequency.  As we commonly say, in order for it to look (and feel) like you have done this a million times, at some point you would have had to have done it for the 100,000 time, and before that, the 1000^th time, and before that the 500^th time, and before that….     And that is precisely how we become better in the new year.

And that is why we take goal setting in the new year so seriously for our students, because it is the DO…taking the martial arts lessons and applying them in other areas of life.

I typically share my reading goal results for the year this week.   This year I read 16 nonfiction books, plus 18 audiobooks totaling over 160 hours.  That is like I took a 40 hr/week job listening to audiobooks for an entire month.   But the most I listened in any one day was probably 1.5 hours on a really long drive…usually it was in doses of 10-15 minutes at a time.   Similarly the most pages I read at any one sitting was probably 50, again it was usually more like 10-15 pages at a time.   Drip. Drip. Drip.  

                This year, I and some of our students are making a concerted effort to get better at Korean for our upcoming trip.   I am not going into an immersive program, but one of my goals is to average 30 min a day studying up until the trip.   Drip. Drip. Drip. 

                I might have spent a record amount on ammo this year.   Bang, $, drip.  Bang, $, drip.

                As most people, at the start of the new year I am taking stock of our finances.   Honestly, looking at performance, I am not a very good manager.   But we are purposeful about doing something.  And as some financial gurus will point out, people can succeed in money despite themselves if they are just deliberate and perseverant in the long term.   That is why we make all of our TKD students, including the the younger ones, make a financial goal.  Because winning at money is a lot like succeeding in the martial arts—deliberate, disciplined, long term focused effort.

We also recently talked about the habits of successful people so that we can adopt them ourselves.  We don’t decide our future (or to be a NEW person).   We decide our habits, and our habits decide our future.   We apply the lessons we learn in the martial arts to develop the habits we need to become a better version of ourselves in all areas of life. 

GMA advertisements for the New Year focus on a promise I sincerely believe:  we can help you achieve several of your goals for the new year, and we can help give you the discipline needed to achieve the rest.   That is how we help people BE MORE in many areas of their life.   We can all focus on steady improvement: if you are just 1%  better each day, you will still be 37% better by the end of the year.  Drip. Drip. Drip.     Trust the process and find the wins in the baby steps along the way.   That is how we become more this coming year.

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Just What Are We “Fighting” for?

            I recently heard a cautionary tale regarding some professional athletes.   No, this wasn’t the same ones about sacrificing too much –from relationships to even their own bodies—to reach the pinnacle of their sport.   It wasn’t about letting fame and fortune get to them and then losing both.  This one was about the athletes, who after their competitive career ended, just let themselves go physically.  Totally.  You would never know they had done anything athletic in their life just by looking at them.  So how, or why, does an elite physical specimen with championship drive turn into someone unrecognizable?   The athletes explained that it was because they lost all drive once they stepped away from competition.  There was nothing else to win. There was no one else to best. So, what was the point?

            Certainly, there are people who are driven by similar motivations in martial sports.    I have been known to have a competitive streak, and I certainly tried to win my martial contests, but I have a hard time wrapping my head around going to such an all or nothing extreme, and I also feel gratitude that my relationship with the martial arts is not like that.   But that begs some questions about why we do what we do.  Yes, we are learning combative.  But why, or what exactly, are we “fighting” for?

            Of course, self-defense is one obvious motivation.  We are training to best an adversary as well—a hereto unknown and hypothetical one—but one in very a high stakes match.  And unlike a defined competitive career, you can never fully retire from the struggles of life and potential risks to personal safety.   So, with the threat ever present, I suppose it is easier to stay motivated and prepared. Even if we aren’t at the peak of our game in our older age, we must be ready for a comeback at a moment’s notice.   The mantra of constantly being harder to kill can indeed fuel a lifestyle, but I don’t think it can be the sole explanation.     To train the majority of one’s life for a hypothetical event that may or may not ever happen, either makes one a rather paranoid individual, or suggests there are additional reasons and motivations to merit studying martial arts.  Not surprisingly, I prefer the latter explanation.   There has to be more than just fear driving the decision. 

            Of course, there are other battles or fights in life besides physical confrontations.   The same mental approach that the martial artist applies to training can be applied to other aspects of life as well.  This is the way, the “DO.”  The concept of continual self-betterment through discipline, perseverance, etc., translates to success in many arenas.  I will admit that other sports and activities also develop some of these habits and attributes, such as teamwork, discipline, and leadership, but with unapologetic bias I have asserted that the martial arts does it better than any other activity.   Clearly, the aforementioned  athletes in question didn’t get any concept of “DO” in their sport.  The sport remained separate from their daily lives.  We hope our students take what they learn on the mats and apply it in the world off the mats.  That they apply the concept of constant refining, continual learning and self-betterment to areas such as education, finances, and relationships. While you can retire from a sport, you can’t retire from life, and if you see the martial way as a way of life, then you won’t want to retire from the arts either.  

            Besides, why would you want stop doing something that you like to do?  The martial arts—from the techniques to the strategy, to the culture, to the camaraderie– are just plain fun and cool.  One of things I appreciate most about martial arts is that I am still learning, and I still get excited at new applications or even nuances to familiar techniques.    Certain professional athletes try to not to lose sight of the fact that they get paid handsomely to play a game that is at heart—a game for fun.   Other athletes get bogged down in the grind and everything that goes into playing at such a high level and view it as something else, tedious work.   While I can admit certain aspects of running an academy can indeed be tedious, I appreciate that people come here to have fun, to relieve stress, to become healthier, to be a part of a team, etc.   They enjoy the subject and the practice. 

It appears that some athletes might have enjoyed the thrill of victory and the spoils but didn’t really enjoy the process.   I am blessed that I still enjoy the process and have “love for the game.”  But for reasons and benefits listed above, both practical and personal, martial arts offer a lot of reasons to never retire.   While other athletes may lose their “why”, martial artists should always have something to be “fighting for.”

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Perseverance and Persistence—Why the Black Belt is an Indicator for Success.

                In October we use both the fall foliage parade and the upcoming black belt testing to teach about perseverance.  Perseverance and persistence are certainly qualities that most people ascribe to the black belt rank.*  This is one reason that earning the rank looks good on college applications, scholarships, etc. 

                There are lots of activities that can get put on those applications that don’t require a lot of effort to get listed.  Join a club, show up occasionally.  Volunteer once in a blue moon but regularly enough to count, etc.  One can amass quite the impressively long list of activities doing that.   Trust me, my list was as long as my arm, but those lists don’t stand out like the dedication that a black belt does.  Simply put, not everyone will persist long enough to earn one, and that says something.

                When students don’t persist, we often hear things like “we just wanted to try it out” and “it wasn’t their thing” to “they have just lost interest” and “they wanted to try other things.”  While I believe martial arts training can help anyone, I do realize it isn’t right for everyone.  And don’t get me wrong, I am certainly for trying out different things, in fact I encourage it.  While some people think I am rather singularly focused, at least at some point prior I emphatically embraced the concept of being more of a Renaissance man.**  Indeed, the namesake of our school, being Gentry, is born out of the traditional, well rounded ideal of the warrior-scholar.  

But there is a difference between being well rounded and simply dabbling, without ever committing to or gaining competency in anything.  Trying 20 different diets doesn’t make you well rounded in the weight loss field.  I wonder if those kids who were “just trying it out” and have “gone on to other things” are now bored and have lost interest in the new thing, especially when it also required repetition and work?  They are collecting a long list of samplings, but do they really have anything to show for it?  Will they ever have anything to show for it?

The Personal Qualities Project, administered by the same people who make the SAT and virtually all other standard tests, drew this conclusion about persistence:  the single greatest predictor of graduating college with honors was participating in one activity in high school that was done for at least two years and achieved an accomplishment or honor (kind of like taking 2.5-3 years to achieve the honor of black belt!).  It was not hopping from activity to activity from year to year in an itinerant fashion.  This was also the best predictor of later having a leadership position.  Out of 100 personal characteristics measured, perseverance (as defined by that criteria) reigned supreme in predicting success in young adults across all domains—from the arts to entrepreneurs.

Angela Duckworth notes that Harvard admissions also realizes this and admits students based on a person demonstrating a passion in one thing.  They note that the given passion doesn’t have to be pursued at Harvard—your passion in high school might be basketball but that doesn’t mean you will play for Harvard.  But they are confident that the person will apply the same work ethic and discipline in another field and ultimately succeed in another arena.  I can think of no greater validation of why getting your black belt is such a powerful statement.

We talk about DO—the way of life—and about taking what we learn on the mats into the world.  Taking that black belt attitude that they learned through persistence and dedication and applying that in other areas of their life.  I would be lying to say every one of our black belts have gone on to accomplish great things.  Honestly, it is a point of frustration for me, when I see one of our black belt not applying the same effort in other areas of their life.  But they can hang their hat on one thing—that they earned their black belt, which is more than can be said for the dabblers.  Our students will continue to learn how to BE MORE persistent, in order to, BE MORE likely to succeed, and hopefully even more colleges and scholarships will see them as MORE valuable. 

*One might say that standards for black belt have been progressively watered down in the age of commercialization, and in some schools, that is true.  So perhaps on a status level, it isn’t as mysterious and as impressive as it was when I got mine 35 years ago.  But regardless of technical ability or how hard or easy the journey was, all black belts have still exhibited the ability to stay the course and show persistence.

** except when it comes to music.  Anyone who has seen me in demo can tell I never embraced that area of discipline.

The Right Time to Do Martial Arts

            The back-to-school season is one of our busiest times with lots of new people starting their potential life changing martial arts journey, and this year has proven to be no exception.  Additionally, existing students who were spotty at best during the summer tend to be more consistent as well.     It is easy to come up with the reasons as to why we see a rush in the fall, and then another in the New Year.  However, I find it more interesting as to why, or more accurately when, people decide NOT to do martial arts.

            Sadly, some of the people who recently started their free trial will not continue beyond that.   There are various reasons of course, but the one that baffles me is “we just don’t have time in our schedule right now.” 

            So, you had no trouble coming these past two weeks, but it is a hardship beyond that?   You decided to start when you knew you couldn’t come?     Now, I realize that sometimes that they are trying to be polite—that they didn’t enjoy the classes and didn’t want to say so.   But other times, it is just a cop out.   What they really meant is they really don’t have the ability to prioritize the classes.    Certainly, some people have very legit conflicts:  family dynamics ranging from split households to being a caregiver,   frequent travel for work, health issues that can flare up unpredictably.   In contrast, other reasons are more germane, and I have to do my best not to smirk.    

            Oh, your kids go to school?   And you also work?   That is a tough combination. If only other people could relate to that.   Another personal favorite one of this variety is explaining how they have to quit martial arts once they go to college.  Never mind that many of us did do martial arts throughout college (maybe on campus and/or just when home), that my “other job” is teaching martial arts to college students, and some of GMA’s most senior students started with me while they were in college.  

            So, you are only going to do martial arts when it is convenient and you have nothing else to do?  Are you going to  let routine things that literally every other person has to do  (like school or work) derail your goals and ambitions?   What does that say about your intent during the seasons of life when things do get hard?    Whatever your objection or reason as to why you can’t start right now, I am pretty sure I  can point to someone else in the class or give an example of a black belt who had to deal with something similar or worse, but they found a way. 

            I had this discussion with one of our BJJ students, Jared Hamilton, who is a rock star in the fitness industry.   He shared how he has to confront the same thinking in fitness.    A person says they will start after the holidays.    Wouldn’t you want the nutrition and fitness program at the hardest time of year, not just when it is easiest?  Do you plan to always fall off the wagon whenever there is a special event or time of year?   He is spot on. 

            People procrastinate for fitness and other reasons here as well.     You want to start martial arts once you are in better shape?  That is kind of like saying you will wait to go to school once you are smarter.   Recently, we had someone not continue after their trial, because, as they put it, their kids don’t have enough discipline or respect to succeed in the program.   So, you aren’t going to do the one thing that pointed out that deficiency and can improve it, because they have a deficiency in that area?  The only way to get better at those things is to get started on those things, and one of the things we try to do is teach discipline and hold people accountable for their training and goals.

            There are several proverbs/phrases/cliches about timing and not procrastinating.     Those that wait for the right time run out of time.   The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the next best time is today.   Waiting to start until things are perfect is like not starting a long trip until all the lights are green.  It is never too late to become what you might have been. They all apply.   

            Martial arts teaches focus, discipline, perseverance—the qualities needed in order to not have your goals sidelined when life gets hectic or obstacles arise.  The catch 22 is that many people need to commit or prioritize the martial arts in the first place to get those qualities, so that they don’t sideline their goals—martial arts or otherwise.   Sadly, too many people don’t realize their “waiting until the right time” is an attitude that is setting themselves up for failure.

            As this writing is for people who are taking martial arts, I suppose I am preaching the choir.   But I think you will agree it also applies to persisting with your martial arts.  It might not be the perfect time, but the best time to start is now.   The next class you should take is the next one we offer.   We realize things come up and there has to be a life balance, but whatever is going on in your life, chances are we have literally hundreds of people succeed here while dealing with similar challenges.   You just have to have a black belt attitude about it.    

Learn more about us at www.gentrymartialarts.com

Being Like a Toddler in the Martial Arts and When It Comes to Failure

            In nearly 40 years of training, I have sought out diverse experiences in the martial arts.   Recently, I have had two totally unique ones.   I have tried my hand at sumo with the group that is renting space from us.  And I have finally played with one weapon I said I always wanted to try—the rope dart/meteor hammer–at our recent camp.   In those experiences I felt like a toddler, and not just because I was thrown around like one in sumo.  

            In Grit, Angela Duckworth points out that babies and toddlers have no problems with repeatedly failing while learning to do things.   Just watch a baby trying to put food in its mouth, or a toddler trying to learn how to walk.   The martial arts maxim “fall down 7 times get up 8” doesn’t even begin to cover it, and yet, they are neither discouraged nor quit.   But around Kindergarten, parents and teachers start to “correct” their mistakes instead of letting them happen.  Smiles at the effort they are making is replaced with “looks” or shakes of the head.    It isn’t long before kids learn that mistakes can lead to scolding or embarrassment.   Soon thereafter, a person learns to avoid making them.  Of course, that also means that individuals also shrink from opportunities to grow and develop new skills.    The concept of making mistakes has come to be interpreted very differently. 

            And interpretation matters greatly.    When you jump out of an airplane, your body’s chemical responses to that stimulus are going to be interpreted very differently if you jumped willingly for the adrenal rush, or you did it out of necessity in a life and death emergency.  The body’s response is the same and it doesn’t know the difference; it is how the mind interprets the event that makes all the difference.   Henry Cloud points out research that demonstrates receiving  feedback [criticism for mistakes] can actually activate the fight or flight part of the brain.   That is why people get so defensive…they literally view the criticism as an attack and a threat to their person.     But what if you don’t see that feedback as a threat, but rather an opportunity to grow and get better?   If you can change that interpretation and look at mistakes more through a toddler’s eyes, then you have a better capacity to accomplish great things, and I think martial arts helps you gain that perspective.

            When you do martial arts, you get used to making mistakes.  Ones that come with consequences, like getting kicked, choked, or hitting yourself in the face with your own rope dart.  While not necessarily fun, you learn to shrug it off and grow from them,  and you can often laugh at yourself in the process.    I warn our beginning BJJ students to avoid letting their ego view these losses as threats or attacks on their person.  Some people can’t handle losing so much at the beginning while they are still learning the basics, and so they quit to avoid the threat.  Like the skydiving example, they interpret their losses as negative instead of a way to slowly get better.

Of course, instructors are there to give you corrections, and when martial arts/self defense is taken seriously, so too can the correction be frank and serious. Once you have accepted that in martial arts, you have a healthy perspective on both criticism and failure in general.    I found it amusing that both the instructors in sumo and rope dart were initially careful with their criticism…careful not to offend.   While that makes them good instructors and more generally good people, in that they didn’t want me to feel “under attack,” I did have to laugh a bit.   I know I sucked.  Failures aren’t something to be avoided; they just come with the process.  Like a toddler learning to walk, my mistakes or corrections aren’t going to deter me.      

As earnest students, we can no longer be oblivious to correction and when the teacher shakes their head.  But we can still be as innocent as a toddler and have a non-threatening perspective on feedback as we learn how to walk in any endeavor. 

Learn more about us at http://www.gentrymartialarts.com

Congrats Graduates–No One Else Cares

        

As it is graduation season, I have had to sit through three commencement speeches.  The people giving them were accomplished and doing some interesting things, but I was still bored out of my mind.  Perhaps someone might cynically ask if I thought I could do better.  Since I doubt that I will ever be officially asked, here is what I would say if I was ever given the opportunity.  This is also typically the time of year we have black belt promotions.  Not surprisingly, my speech to graduates would not be much different than what I do say at our graduation of sorts—black belt ceremony—or anybody else in the martial arts for that matter.

                To the graduates, congrats….but no one else cares.*   

Yes, you had to adapt to a global pandemic, so did 6 billion other people.  You had to stay in your dorm room and you had zoom classes; other people lost their businesses, dreams, and loved ones.  I realize any summary or reflection of your past four years must make note of it, but to have reached even the most modest level of success usually requires some ability to adapt and overcome, so it doesn’t really make you special, as evidence of the fact there are hundreds or even thousands of you in this school alone who did it.  No one cares.  Everyone has struggles and sob story…the person beside you might be way worse off, but you just don’t know it.  I can’t tell you how many times people have given me excuses as to why they have to quit martial arts, when I could point to 5 other people in the same class going through the exact same thing but who were finding a way to make it work.  No one cares about your excuses; now get to work or get out of the way.

As you close this chapter in your life, many of you are excited for the next part of your journey.  As you should be.  But life is full of people who have new beginnings or fresh starts all the time.  From switching to yet another job, trying one more diet, or starting one more manuscript…life is constantly about new “adventures.”   So no one really cares about yours.  In a world full of starters, be a finisher.   That is what will get people to stand up and take notice of you.  

                To those of you who barely made it, who pulled an all nighter to get a C- on their last test, in order to pass the last class they needed to graduate by a tenth of a percent.  No one will care how you graduated.  No one cares how many times you switched majors, or if it took you another year.  As the saying goes, the person who graduates last in his class at medical school is still a doctor.  There are several people that I knew in college who I found…lets just say, underwhelming in ability and potential….that seem to be doing amazingly well for themselves.  It seems that none of them cared about my opinion.  Research has proven that neither grades nor school attended seem to be correlated with financial success in life.  The moral of the story is that the only thing that matters is what you do from here on out.  In the martial arts, no one cares if it took you extra time to get your black belt, or if you had to retest.  I can’t remember if someone barely passed their belt test or not.  What matters, and what people will remember, is whether you perform and behave like a black belt, night in and night out,  moving forward. 

                At the other end of the spectrum, no one cares if you have a 4.0 and were president of the student body.  Sure, it might have helped you get a good job, but as you step into a new chapter of life, none of that will help you if you think you know everything and refuse to grow, if you are arrogant, or hard to work with.  If you seriously underperform or make a catastrophic mistake, no one is going to defend you by noting you were summa cum laude.  Similarly in the martial arts, people’s impression of you is based on your attitude, effort, and performance now.  If a black belt looks like a lower rank in effort and technique in class, no one is going to excuse it by saying,  “but you should have seen his black belt test, he was much better that day.”

                Nor do you get to rest on your laurels or accolades.  You might be sparring grand champion several times over, but at your next tournament, your opponent doesn’t care….you still have to fight for the next one.  Your attacker doesn’t care that you had perfect attendance or got a good grade in your self defense class.  Life is a constant struggle of survival.  On rare occasions, it is a literal matter of self defense, but more often this is a metaphor for your professional career, finances, and relationships.  Life is about knowing what is worth fighting for and finding a way to win the next battle.  No one cares that you were valedictorian, or MVP of your sports team, or won gold at ISSMA—none of that matters if you tap out early on your dreams or life in general.

                Yes, you should enjoy the milestone you have reached for a moment.  Once you climb a mountain, it is natural to stop and enjoy the view.  However, often the landscape that comes into view includes a much bigger mountain that needs to be scaled.  So don’t get too comfortable on your little hill.  Everyone else is busy climbing their own hills, so don’t expect them to care. 

Recently we talked about Kaizen, the prevalent concept in martial arts of constant or continual improvement.  Remember, life is not about resting on your laurels nor falling back on your excuses.  No one else is going to remember or care about either of them, they only care about what is happening now…can you be counted on and are you getting better.  Life is about continuing to climb and grow, and you should care very much about doing that. 

*    If this were an actual speech, no one in the audience would care what I have to say, they just want to get this over with, get the pictures, and go to dinner.  I appreciate the fact you cared enough to read this far!

For more inspiring talks you can find out more about us at http://www.gentrymartialarts.com